Say your prayers...OR ELSE

There are a number of nursery rhymes that I find...questionable. "Rub a dub dub, three men in a tub..." Really? That sounds like the beginning of an adult film. And how about the old woman who lived in the shoe? First of all, she lives in a SHOE. Then she doesn't give her kids anything to eat, and she beats them. Old Mother Hubbard? PETA and the SPCA are looking for you, lady. Great bedtime reading.

Well, I have an entire book of these little gems, and we can just add this one to the list: Goosey Goosey Gander. For those of you who may not be familiar:

Goosey Goosey Gander
whither shall I wander?
Upstairs, downstairs,
and in my lady's chamber.

There I met an old man
who wouldn't say his prayers.
I took him by the left leg
and threw him down the stairs.

WHAT?!? OK, first of all, who is the speaker in this little ditty? Is this a conversation between a person and a goose? Here's how I see it: Dude asks Goose a question, and Goose responds with the story of his violent interlude with the pagan old man. (What was the author SMOKING?)

What was the old man doing in the lady's chamber (besides not saying his prayers)? Sounds pretty creepy to me. And exactly how does a goose seize someone by the leg with enough force and leverage to throw said person down the stairs? Keep in mind...you're supposed to read this little rhyme TO YOUR CHILDREN.

Is this supposed to encourage children to say their prayers? Because fear--fear of psychotic ageist geese--is the greatest motivator.